


you don't know what you do to me

by starcuffedjeans



Series: simon and bram [1]
Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: I just really love these two, M/M, POV Bram Greenfeld, basically just bram pining, mention of abby - Freeform, mention of garrett, mention of nick, potential series, simonverse - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 10:18:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14470518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starcuffedjeans/pseuds/starcuffedjeans
Summary: Bram Greenfeld was irrevocably in love with Simon Spier. And there was nothing he could do about it.





	you don't know what you do to me

Chemistry was absolutely painful. Usually Bram would be able to tolerate the monotonous speech of his teacher, but today was different. Sunlight streamed through the windows, casting shadows on the students’ desks and papers - a nice change to the past few days of rain and dreariness. 

He put his chin in his hand and looked out the window at the passing day. Flowers blew gently in the wind and birds perched precariously on tree branches, their small bodies seemingly floating along with the summer breeze. It was beautiful; and Bram wished he were outdoors. 

Junior year was nearing its end. That both terrified and excited Bram - he couldn’t wait to spend summer with his friends and his family, both in Shady Creek and in Savannah. He couldn’t wait to choose universities and leave high school behind him, but he was scared. Scared of starting a new life, scared of leaving his best friends behind. Scared of messing up. 

But he was ready. Because he knew that no matter how far his friends and him would separate, they would always be together.

The soft rustling of paper brought Bram out of his daydream. He wasn’t surprised to see a folded piece of yellow paper lying in front of him. He kept an eye on the teacher as he carefully unfolded it in his lap.

_You craving apples today?_

Bram grinned and craned his neck to where Simon was sitting. God, Simon was… He was something. The boy was already grinning at him when their eyes met. Bram smiled back and subtly nodded, causing his best friend’s eyes to light up in glee. They reminded Bram of stars. Stars that would never extinguish as long as Simon was alive. 

He turned back around in his chair, Simon’s happy expression seemingly imprinted in his mind. Wherever he looked, all he could see was his sparkling eyes and bright smile. It figuratively killed Bram. 

He didn’t pay attention for the rest of class, his entire being preoccupied by Simon. The way he cocked his head to the side when he was confused, the way he would bite the end of his pencil when he was trying to focus, the way he would bite his lip when he was trying to hold in a laugh. Everything about Simon was compelling. Bram felt as though he was a puppet and Simon was his puppeteer, unintentionally controlling Bram by his smiles and quirks. Because whenever Bram was around Simon he felt weak. 

Love was a funny thing - controlling his every move and thought until Bram was positive that Simon had taken over his world. 

At last the end of day bell rang, and Bram slowly started packing up his things as the rest of the class quickly shuffled out of the door. Bram watched Simon climb over chairs to make his way over to where Bram was struggling to shove his calculator into his bag.

“Thank God that’s over,” moaned Simon dramatically, “I don’t think I could’ve listened to Ms. Wright talk about Ionic Bonds any longer.”

Bram chuckled, ignoring the blush that appeared on his cheeks, “She did seem extra boring today.”

“You’re telling me! I almost fell asleep, that was freaking brutal.”

They grinned at each other. “So, you’re ready to go?”

Bram nodded and slung his bag over his shoulder, “Ready when you are.”

The two of them walked out of the classroom, briefly stopping at Simon’s locker so he could put his math textbook away before walking out to Simon’s car. Bram had gotten a ride from Garrett that morning so he didn’t need to worry about picking up his car after their adventure. 

Simon started the car and rolled both windows down, grinning at Bram. “It’s finally nice enough to do that.”

Bram just smiled in return, plugging his phone into Simon’s car and letting the music wash over them.

“So, how about we stop for smoothies first?”

Bram looked at him, “Are you kidding? That’s the best idea I’ve heard all day.”

Simon grinned and pulled out of the school parking lot, turning left on the road and heading towards their favourite destination.

They had discovered the apple orchard last summer. Simon had gotten into an argument with his sister and needed to cool off for a bit so the two of them had driven for a while before arriving at the abandoned site. It had completely taken their breath away. A worn out trail led to an open field, the trees seemingly endless, the tips of their branches tickling the sky as they waved in the breeze. 

The two of them had found the largest tree to sit under. The willow branches touched the grassy floor, creating a barrier for them. They felt like they were the only people who knew about it. It felt like their kingdom. Underneath that tree they could talk about anything - the latest school gossip, Nick’s constant pining for their new friend Abby, Bram’s fetus step-sibling. But at the same time Bram felt like they didn’t share anything.

Because Simon still doesn’t know that Bram is gay. He still doesn’t know that Bram’s in love with him.

“What are you thinking about?”

Bram jumped, quickly erasing his thoughts of Simon out of his head, “Uh, just what flavour smoothie I’m going to get.”

Simon laughed, “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

Bram nodded, “I can’t even remember what a smoothie tastes like.”

“Well you’re in luck,” said Simon as the familiar smoothie bar came into view, “Because you won’t have to wait much longer.”

Simon maneuvered his car into the Drive Thru and then turned to him, “So, what flavour?”

Bram shrugged, “Whatever you get.”

“Blueberry?”

Bram nodded, “Sounds good.”

Simon ordered and Bram looked out his window to avoid staring at Simon. He pulled up to the window, grabbing their drinks and putting them in the cup holders before pulling back onto the road.

“I’m excited,” said Simon.

Bram took a sip from his cup and laughed, “Why?”

Simon smiled at him, taking a drink too, “It’s been so long since we’ve been to the orchard. I’m excited.”

“I am too.”

They smiled at each other.

Bram laughed, “Your teeth are purple.”

Simon grinned, showing off his teeth and causing Bram to laugh even harder. “You should see your lips.”

And, God, Bram shut up then. Because Simon was looking at his lips. He watched as Simon’s eyes flicked from his lips and back up to his eyes. 

Bram wanted to kiss him so badly, and he stupidly thought that maybe Simon wanted to kiss him too. Just as he was about to consider acting on his thoughts, Simon coughed nervously and turned his head to look out the window. “I see it.”

Bram shoved his disappointed thoughts to the back of his head. He ignored their insistent pounding to be let out as he nodded, bringing a smile back to his face as to not worry Simon. “Yeah.”

Simon pulled into the empty lot and turned off the car, basking them in silence.

“You ready?”

Bram nodded.

The two of them stepped out of the car and they slowly made their way to the ineffectual fence that announced the presence of the abandoned orchard. 

Simon turned to him, “Hold this?” he handed his half empty cup to Bram and then carefully maneuvered his way over the fence and on to the other side. Bram handed him the cups through the fence before copying Simon’s movements and landing next to him. 

Simon grinned as Bram took his cup back from him, and nudged his shoulder playfully. The two walked down the familiar path and Bram was acutely aware of their arms brushing every so often. 

The sunlight filtered through the trees, casting shadows on their cheeks. Simon just looked so, so pretty. Bram wished he could reach out and grab his hand but he couldn’t. That would ruin everything.

Eventually they reached the clearing, the field right before their eyes, their tree standing across from them, beckoning them over. 

Bram grinned at Simon, “Last one there is a rotten egg!” And then he was running.

He could faintly hear Simon groan from behind him before running to catch up but it was no use, Bram was way ahead.

His feet moved quickly, shoes barely touching the grassy floor and Bram felt like he was flying - his feet propelling him into the sky. His adoration for his best friend couldn’t keep up with him, lifting fifty pounds off of his shoulders, causing his head to peak over the clouds. He felt like nothing could touch him; he felt a sense of freedom, his intrusive thoughts put behind bars where they couldn’t reach his fragile mind. It was a nice break from the constant stress of his feelings. 

_This_ was a feeling he could never get used to. But suddenly it stopped. 

Bram rested his hands against the trunk of the willow, panting as he tried to catch his breath.

“Holy _shit_ ,” gasped Simon, slowing to a walk in front of him. “I forgot how fast you are.”

Bram grinned, “You’re just slow.”

And then they were laughing. They laughed like they hadn’t laughed in years. Nothing was remotely funny, they just felt happy. Weightless. 

Bram stared at Simon as he laughed. His eyes crinkled in happiness, his smile shone brighter than the sun. Bram had never wanted to kiss someone so badly before.

Eventually their laughter died, leaving the two of them smiling at each other. Bram gently lay down, his back against the soft floor, his eyes studying the branches above him. He could feel Simon lie down next to him, and soon after music started playing softly from his phone. 

The two of them sat in silence, not needing words to communicate their contentment. That was one of the things that Bram loved so much about their relationship: they spoke in silence, with expressions and movements. Bram just wished that there could be more.

The occasional chirp from a bird broke through the bubble of peace that Simon and Bram had created, but overall the atmosphere between them was serene. The song that they had been listening to ended and a new one started.

_You’re the Northern Wind, sending shivers down my spine._

Bram could picture them - lying in Simon’s room, this song playing softly on his record player as the two of them got lost in each other’s eyes. 

_You’re like a missing piece._

Bram felt empty - all he wanted was Simon to look at Bram the way Bram looked at Simon. All he wanted was for Simon to have more than platonic feelings for him.

_You don’t know what you do to me._

Bram closed his eyes, letting the song wash over him. The lyrics held so much truth to him, making his close proximity to Simon absolutely painful.

More minutes of silence passed between them. The music and birds creating the soundtrack to this moment.

Bram looked over at the boy beside him. A content sigh falling from his lips as Simon closed his eyes, letting the sun shower his body with warmth. Bram felt pained because he looked so beautiful. 

He could picture running his fingers through Simon’s unruly hair, kissing him softly. He could imagine their fingers gently intertwined as they came up with ridiculous stories about the shapes of clouds. He imagines the two of them lying side by side, Bram’s face resting in the crook of Simon’s neck as the two of them just _lay._

_I love you. I love you. I love you._ He hoped that if he thought the words hard enough, Simon would somehow be able to hear them. He thought that maybe Simon would be able to reciprocate them. He wanted him to _so badly._ But that was just unrealistic.

Because Simon was straight.

Because boys like Simon don’t fall in love with boys like Bram. 

Simon’s eyes opened, “Penny for your thoughts?”

“What?” asked Bram stupidly.

Simon chuckled, “I can hear you thinking. Anything you want to talk about?”

Bram could picture it - him opening his heart up to his best friend, to the boy he was in love with. He could hear the words tumbling out of his mouth and the expression on Simon’s face changing from curiosity to complete disgust. He could see Simon storming off to his car, leaving Bram to lie under the tree, their tree. Alone.

Bram looked at Simon, “Maybe another time.”

Simon nodded, knowing not to pry, “Okay. Whenever you want.”

Bram turned his head to the sky, his eyes closing to trap the incoming tears that threatened to pour from his eyes.

Life was unfair. Love was unfair. Why would his heart force him to want something that he could never have? 

Bram suddenly couldn’t wait to leave and go home. He couldn’t wait to cry into his pillow for a few hours about how stupid the universe is.

Because Bram Greenfeld was irrevocably in love with Simon Spier. And there was nothing he could do about it.

**Author's Note:**

> hi hi! so this is my first simonvs fic on here which is super exciting!
> 
> this fic was loosely inspired by the song northern wind by city and colour (that's also the song mentioned in this)
> 
> my twitter is jacquesvsblue if you want to say hi or request fic ideas!
> 
> thank you so so much for reading though!! constructive criticism is greatly appreciated, if not thank u anyway!!!!!


End file.
